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Phychology of Love rant

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Mar. 4th, 2008 | 01:04 pm
mood: distresseddistressed
music: :osing my Religion by REM

    Okay, before I start, I'd like to mention that right after art and law, my third biggest interest in psychology. And its actually I job I'd probably do good at but I'm not as interested in it as much as art and law (And I can't be in law, as much as I want to, because of my abnormally low logic skills and hemophobia) xD Though psychology is required in animation courses because of character/story development so I'm good.
    Anyways, getting to the point. I'm guessing you've all seen the myspace bulletins and e-mails that go along the lines of a guy and a girl being together, one dies or breaks up with the other, then one dies usually leaving a note saying something like "Without your love I would die".
    I'm sure most of you have never heard of the taxonomy of love (I didn't know about it until a week ago). According to the paper I got in English class there are five different types of love: Eros, ludus, storge, mania, and pragma (I'm a raging storge). I feel like I'm the only one who notices that these teenagers probably have some mental health issues. Especially since most couples haven't known each other longer than maybe two or three years. If you die just because the person you love doesn't love you back, you've got problems. I mean, I can understand someone getting deeply depressed but not enough to want to die and actually try to go through with it, unless they happen to be in the maniac category of love (Look at the reference that I gave at the bottom of the blog). As you can see, maniac is the last thing you would probably want to be. Anyways, most teenagers don't even know what love is (Most, not all). Though, according to my class, most teenagers are considered to be ludus.
    Another e-mail/bulletin I want to point out is the one where the girl tells the guy that she likes him but then he tells her he doesn't like her because she's ugly and then she goes and slits her wrists and writes on the mirror, "Am I pretty enough now?" and dies. Thats an even more mentally unstable person. I know these are made up but... Come on. Thats not sad, its just disturbing. Just because some guy you like says you're ugly doesn't mean you have to give everything up in your life and leave a big mess for someone to clean up after (Not to mention traumatizing your own family). Its just wrong... I've had to deal with that crap similar to that with bad friends all through my life but do you see me cutting my wrists and writing stuff on walls with my blood. I don't think so. I'm not heartless for not thinking its sad (Though according to the e-mail, I am), I'm just being real. Case closed.
(I know people who are like the person in the e-mail and they really need professional help. Really. And seriously, anyone with all/most the mania characteristics need it too)

And for your own enjoyment :D
* Believes childhood was happy - Warm relationship with parents and siblings.
* Is ready for love and for the risks it will involve, but is not anxiously searching.
* Knows definately what physical type attracts them most and is quite demanding.
* Begins with partner who is a stranger at first encounter - "Love at first sight"
* Seeks a deep, persuasive rapport with partner as quickly as possible.
* Shares development and control of the relationship.
* Elicits reciprocal feelings from the beloved but does not demand them.
* May be exclusive but not possesive or fearful of rivials.
* Considers love to be life's most important activity.
* Idealizes love alot. - May be downfall of this type of love.

* Believes childhood was average. Has no complaints.
* Is not ready to commit to anyone in a love relationship.
* Likes a variety of different physical types and can switch easily from one to another.
* Begins with a stranger who has a physical appearance with the lover's wide range.
* Goes on with life as usual after meeting beloved - Does not fall in love; Has no intentions for the future.
* Avoids seeing partner too often.
* May be anxious about future with partner who is too intense.
* Expects partner to control themselves and play the game for mutual enjoyment.
* Encourages other relationships.
* Thinks love is not as important as work or some other activities.

* Comes from a happy, secure family background.
* Is ready if love comes along but is not looking.
* Has no consious definition of a favored physical type.
* Goes on with life as usual after becoming aware of "love"
* More of the type of love that is seen between siblings.

* Feels childhood was unhappy; difficult relationship with parents; not content with life.
* Anxious to fall in love, yet expects love to be difficult and painful.
* Is uncertain of what type attracts them, and is often looking for a combination of contradictory qualities - May dislike the appearance of partner.
* Becomes intensly preoccupied with thoughts of partner and need for partner's love.
* Begins to imagine the future together with considerable anxiety and much wishful thinking.
* Wants to see partner at least daily, and is easily upset but delays and postponements.
* Will create problems if there are none, to intensify feelings.
* Periodically tries to calm and control own feelings but can't help themselves.
* Experiences a loss of self control over feelingsand direction of relationship.
* Tries to force the partner to show more affection and commitment.
* Unable to break off the relationship.
* Becomes extemely possessive.
* Becomes convinced the life without partner's love is hardly worth living.

* Feels master of life and achievement
* Looks for a compatible mate.
*Is highly pragmatic in looking for a mate - i.e. Who will make a good father or mother?

Source (From An Exploration Of the Ways of Loving by John Alan Lee)

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Comments {3}


(no subject)

from: audiopilot
date: Mar. 7th, 2008 04:17 am (UTC)

Yeah, when I used myspace I'd occasionally see those kind of bulletins.

Most of it, to me, is what you'd expect of teenagers. Lots of melodrama and angst. The "am I pretty now?" story is a lot like when you're a child and you're mad at your parents, you think of how sorry they'd be if you were gone. Does that make sense?

I think as long as it's just a fantasy to make the person feel better it's not something to be too worried about. If they never grow out of it or act on it then it becomes something that they need help with.

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(no subject)

from: unpr0paganda
date: Mar. 8th, 2008 12:40 am (UTC)

Haha, I see them ALOT. I guess I'm just not a normal teenager. xD I'm usually chipper and relaxed no matter what's going on. But yeah, I agree. When I was younger there were times where I was just thinking about dying but never in my life would I actually come even close to killing myself.

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(no subject)

from: audiopilot
date: Mar. 8th, 2008 05:11 am (UTC)

Really? Well, I luckily managed to escape a lot of the drama in high school despite being best friends with someone who attracted the stuff like flies to poop. It's good that you're so mellow. :)

I'd say most people have those thoughts but we only hear about it when some act on them.

Actually the entire time I've typed this I've been staring at your icon...

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